AWAL MULA ATAU MATI

(GOOGLE TRANSLATE VERSION)

I untied the wound several times until my hands went numb. Initially I did not find anything there, although I repeatedly found foreign elements, for example a pile of purulent ulcers that had clumped up in my worry. At first I thought that this element was what I was looking for, but it turned out that it was just a festering ulcer planted by a past entity, an entity that often haunts me; haunts me before bed; haunt me in a maze of nightmares piled up; forced me to immediately wake up from this sleep that was never soundly.

I kept looking even though the elements wrapped around my feet; covered my mouth; blanketed my eyes with the black mist of transition season. Until I found a small, painful pimple in an indentation of the maze above my lips, which was perched firmly and took a lot of energy to break it. This acne is different from the purulent ulcers earlier, it is not a disease that was planted by past entities, but a disease in which the virus sticks to a patch of embroidery with the writing “I love you”.

In the end I managed to force the pimple out by force, the spurt plagiarized the mirror. It hurt, but was relieved to see the big pimply eyes stuck to the mirror, like a cow’s eye egg.

The next problem came in the form of extreme exhaustion, the exhaustion that had invaded my search. But fatigue is what led me to find it; this despair brought me even closer to the end of the maze.

It was well kept and hidden between the several bloody wounds that were quite foul between my legs; purulent like the ulcer I had previously found; frilled; and smelled of metaphysics; as if it had just emerged from nothing. Objects in the form of long descriptions; a text; polished; in a complete quote of the life of a person whom I believe exists – his existence – in several parts of my life that are described; broken; messy.

But at least it can make a super glue formula for sticking back the pieces of my life that have broken apart.

I thought that in the end it would just be some kind of puzzle game without limits on all sides, a waste of time.

But I have no other choice, it looks like I’ll spend the rest of my life putting together these puzzle pieces. Irreversible puzzle pieces. As a saying goes: life is irreversible.

All of this for a very simple reason, just like the reasons for many people: HAPPINESS – Undeniable And Endless Happiness.

Bandung, 7 May 1999